Let me share with you some of the wise words and lovely images I came across in the last few weeks. May they keep you focussed on why it’s important even in times of lock-downs and disconnections, to live fully and well as the years fly past……
This man has stories to tell just look at his face…… no idea who he is but I’d invite him to my Covid safe dinner party any day…..
image by Mikhail Rakityansky
None of us is getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an afterthought. Eat delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you are carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else. Sir Anthony Hopkins, actor, aged 83
When did you last walk along a beach?
I have reached the age where, if someone tells me to wear socks..I don’t have too! Albert Einstein Scientist
The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.Frank Lloyd Wright Architect
Where do you go to find quiet and still your mind?
My advice: Don’t spend too much time worrying about your skin or your weight. Develop what you do, what you put your hands on in the world. Meryl Streep actor 72 years old
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s Impossible said Pride
It’s Risky said Experience
It’s Pointless said Reason
Give it a try whispered the Heart
Patrice Lee writer
Listen to your heart whispers my friends.. the years are slipping by
I saw this the other day, “It takes a long time to make your life simple.” This thought followed me on this hum-drum rainy Monday as I fought with the vacuum cleaner, scrubbed pans and attended to boring cleaning tasks around the home. Perhaps this is why many older people report being happier than at any other time in their lives. With ageing comes a simpler existence for many of us. Gone are the demands of career building, parenting young children and homebuilding. There’s a point in our older lives where we can ask..
What do I really want for the remainder of my life?
What sort of older person do I want to be?
What do I want to be remembered for?
What are the things I want to get done in these years?
How do I live well with what I’ve got?
How do I care for myself, my family and my friends?
A chat with my neighbour today made me smile. Skipping over the wintry weather, we landed on the ordinariness of life some days and how it felt just fine. She was decluttering today. In her beautiful Irish lilt Cathy said, “Why have I got 15 cardigans for God’s sake? And that dinner service with a setting for 12 when my table only seats 4 ..and all that crystal that needs to be hand-washed but it’s never used anyway so that’s useless! ” We can all relate to the stuff we cart around until we can bear it no more and decluttering becomes our mantra.
Simplicity of life and gratitude are often partners in ageing well. When we have reduced life to its most meaningful we can appreciate the shades, tonal qualities and depth, we notice new growth, we can stretch unencumbered into new territory and reveal what is most important to us. A grandchild’s questions- the forever WHY? Daffodils peeping through wet earth. The intricate layered smell of a curry bubbling on the stove. The colour of a winter sky. Shared laughter with a friend. All of these emerge with a stronger depth of awareness when life is sculpted around its most meaningful core. We can be thankful and in awe when we really see with our older eyes, the world around us.
Melody Beattie (The Language of Letting Go) writes
” Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more…. it turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity..it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
So along with creating a simple, meaningful life in our older years – How do we develop practices that help us Age Gratefully?
In ” olden days” we institutionalised the habit of gratitude. Some said ” grace” before we ate a meal….I remember the hurried monotone of 100 girls when school lunches were served… “Thank you for the food we eat, thank you for the world so sweet…etc ” as we gave thanks for the grey – green cabbage and withered sausages that were a 1950’s school lunch in the UK. Americans have Thanksgiving dinners as a focus on gratitude.
Without religion to fall back on how do we remind ourselves to notice the good things around us and be grateful?
Here are some suggestions that may help you develop appreciation and gratitude
Before you go to sleep take a moment to identify the thing that made you happiest that day- you’ll be surprised what keeps showing up
If you like writing or drawing keep a gratitude journal that tells the story of the things that give you happiness. It may be things your grandkids say, flowers you pick every week to make your home look special, kind words from a friend….
I have some key gratitude questions in the Notes section of my phone and when I’m sitting at the Doctors surgery or waiting for my car to be serviced I’ll take a look at them and think of my responses.
These questions can be used in reflective moments or journals
What are you looking forward too?
What parts of your body are strong and agile and make things possible?
Who is important in your life? Why are they important?
What are 3 things you experienced or saw today that made you smile?
What are 3 things that you have that make ageing well possible?
What are the simple pleasures you enjoy that you are grateful for?
Making gratitude an intentional practice is another act of simplicity. Even on the worst day if you notice the world around you and live mindfully there will be opportunities for gratitude.
What are the benefits of developing a gratitude habit?
I looked at the work of Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author of the book 13 things that Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. An article in Forbes magazine titled Scientifically Proven benefits of gratitude that will motivate you to give thanks all year round was printed in November 2014. In it Morin summarised these proven benefits of developing gratitude awareness and practices.
Gratitude opens doors to more and better relationships- noticing qualities in people develops fertile ground for friendships to grow
Gratitude improves physical health – when we notice our bodies positively we become more conscious of self care in the food we eat, exercise and so on.
Gratitude improves our psychological health. As I write this article many parts of Australia are in lock down again. These years of living with Covid are challenging. Gratitude practices help us look beyond and see the possible.. what we still have even though much is out of our control. Gratitude can curb some of the toxic emotions times of instability can bring. Morin quotes research conducted after the 9/11 bombings in the USA and how developing gratitude practices helped people heal and stabilize their psychological state.
Gratitude heightens our empathy and reduces aggression towards others
Studies have shown that being in touch with gratitude can improve sleep patterns
Gratitude can improve self- esteem by focussing on the positive, supportive and strong aspects of ourselves
Gratitude can improve our resilience and mental strength – in present times to get up each day, deal with whatever changes have been made to our lives and find that elusive inner strength.
Ageing Gratefully has never been more important than in our current Covid existence, but it’s also a practice that can, in the long term see us age well.
I’m itching to travel and decide to have a 3 day minibreak in Port Fairy. It’s all spur of the moment and I feel that buzz of excitement of new adventures at last. The cat looks perplexed as I make bookings and then the black overnight bag is hauled out of the closet. She knows this means trouble. Whenever this bag appears Gracie cat hurls herself under the bed to sulk. The neighbours are on feed cat duty, a stone cottage is booked in Port Fairy and I hurl my bags into the car with that wilful, wild look in my eyes that usually find me at Heathrow airport… ah well on a Covid travel scale- 3 and a bit hours from Melbourne is the wildest I’ll get.
There’s that sense of freedom and adventure. I last went to Port Fairy 10 plus years ago. I remember stone cottages, dairy cow country and wild beaches.. and the cheese factory at the nearby town of Warrnambool..that’s it. I know the area has become hugely popular for tree and sea changers and property prices have exploded. It’s an area 3 hours plus from Melbourne where Irish migrants settled and place names like Killarney are found. I love driving and the miles roll by until I decide to stop in a little country town for morning tea. There are 2 cafes. One a chip shop smelling of fried food so I head to other with lace curtains and tables all set for the throng of customers that never come.
I order my skinny, double shot flat white but I’m stopped at the first post.
” Skinny Milk? ” she says. ” Love this is dairy country. Don’t you want the real stuff. It tastes so much better.” So I back down on this one but there’ll be war if she tries to talk me out of the double shot. The rest is smooth sailing. I browse the cakes which look like a shop window from a 1950’s bakery…but very fresh and wholesome. I choose the fruit cake. ” Good choice love, best fruit cake for miles. I don’t go in for all this gluten free carrot cake stuff.” We share a laugh and I smile as I leave her shop from a different age clutching my coffee and cake. I remember when a chat and a laugh were all part of the daily life of shopping..not just order, swipe, have a nice day!
The Wharf at Port Fairy
On to Port Fairy. It’s grown so much since I was here last. A very trendy main street with its lovely old stone cottages, the wharf area, the old warehouses now converted into accommodation, the cafes, bookstore, trendy clothes shops and galleries. Port Fairy is the town hosting the famous Port fairy Folk Festival when hundreds of musicians descend on the area for a long weekend in March. I booked in 2020..Big Mistake…It was cancelled due to Covid.
I do a quick walk around town and head to the cottage where I’ll be staying for 2 nights. SO pretty. Tucked away at the edge of town in a small parcel of land with an old barn and 2 stone cottages. I’m here by myself for the 2 nights and the owner shows me around the lovely garden and orchard. ” pick anything you like..persimmons, lemons, kale, herbs and please take home as many Granny Smith apples as you can!” She drives away as I settle in and a cat wanders by to check me out followed closely by a couple of hens who peck away at the garden beds. It’s quiet. So quiet.
The Cottage with its Tree Dahlia’s
I decide to do some walking and find the beach. It’s raining slightly. That gentle whispy rain I remember in Ireland so all rugged up I venture down to the wharf and discover a walking track I have never explored. People wander past with their dogs and say ” G’day.” the track runs the length of the coastline for miles. The wind is shrill as the path opens on to a massive vista of thrashing waves, wild seas and the odd rainbow when the sun peeps momentarily on the horizon. This is magnificent. It’s called the Shipwreck Coast and I see why. It reminds me of the wild coastline in Tasmania that I love so much, around Stanley. As I walk a transformation takes me. My face tingles with rain and wind and somehow there’s a letting go… a cleansing of my body and brain and its anxiety about Covid numbers, lockdowns, kitchen renos, budgets, family…it all drifts away. There’s just me, the wind, an endless sky and a wild ocean roaring to its own rhythm.
The Shipwreck Coast
As evening falls I head back to the cottage, light the fire and settle into a cosy evening. I’ve bought some soup, bread and baked treats from Rebecca’s in the main street and its delicious. Sitting in the firelight I remember why I love travel so much.
Next day I do my Nora thing…Ok THIS is the place I’ll move too next…Green lush farm land, rugged coastline, not too far from Melbourne– well maybe a little far …….but great music, foodie culture and the stone cottages !!! I’ll buy two and rent one out or the kids can stay..it’s all possible!!! I head to Warnambool a city of 35,000 people some 25 kms away. The scenery is stunning and I stop at Killarney beach for a morning walk. Another person walks his dog on this white sandy beach and we stop for a chat. He moved here 3 years ago and is renovating a cottage and building a barn. He plays guitar in the pub in Port Fairy on a Saturday night. That’s it! More evidence that I should move here as soon as possible. I find great guitar playing men on the beach!
My first stop in Warrnambool is a search for coffee. I find the Art gallery where a crew is painting a mural on the white gallery wall. It’s very pretty here and as I round the corner a young guy says good morning..I stumble fumble a response.. that’s weird people talk to each other here…a street of cafe’s restaurants and food stores is brimming with people having catch ups and meetings. It’s very alive and my coffee order raises no eyebrows among the orders for double- shot cafe macchaiato , almond milk and gluten free kelp biscuits! This is my kind of scene. I keep walking and tick off all the homewares chains and fashion shops that I love. They’re all here. Further evidence I need to move here..soon! People pass and everyone says hello as I walk along the beach front and its gardens. This is lovely.
Beachfront Terraces
Then I spot a row of townhouses that would not look out of place in Brighton in the UK. Three-storey townhouses with balcony and a big roof terrace at the back. My kind of place and right on the beach front. This is the final confirmation I need that I have at last found my rightful place in this world. I explore the laneways of Warrnambool and take in the city views. It’s lovely. The outlaying suburbs are dull but the central city is wonderful.
Cray Pots
Warnambool Laneways
Back in Port Fairy by my cosy fire I scour the real estate pages and my new life in Warrnambool gently seeps into a grey mush. Stone cottages, if they come on the market are in the million dollar price range. My chosen townhouse in Warrnambool rents at $800 a week and costs well over a million. Hmm…… Then I look at train travel from Warnambool to Melbourne. I could come in once a week to see the kids and stay at their place overnight.. what fun… 4 plus hours each way and $90 return..Hmmm
It’s my last day and as I walk the coastline I get that deflated feel when as I child, I hoped for a barbie doll for christmas and got a book which would improve my IQ instead. This is perfect, farming country and wild coastline. There’s so much to like about this place. Then my mindful self kicks in..but I’m here now and this is magnificent and I can come here whenever I like. Notice the sky. Listen to the crashing waves and breathe deep. You’re in a good place.
Household budgets make me shudder. I did my last one in 2020 and look how that year turned out! When I ran my consulting business for 20 years I was hugely busy and also super organised. (What do they say about giving important tasks to busy people?!) Quarterly reporting was done on time. I knew how to manage cash-flow and outgoings and how many billable hours I needed to book to meet my financial objectives.
Then I retired and had more time than I ever had and a much simpler life. And guess what…….budgeting and a financial overview went out of the window and while all the bills get paid and I don’t have debt, I’ve lost the overview of how much I am spending on things like utilities, food etc. So with wild storms raging outside and a cosy cuppa in hand, it’s time to take financial stock. Have you done this recently?
Let’s start with some basic questions
What are the months when most of your big bills come in?
How much do you spend on take-away food each month/ week?
What’s the current interest rate on your credit card/s?
How much does it cost to run your car in a year?
How much does it cost to own your home each year?
Has your spending on clothes increases or decreased since last year?
How much did you spend on Christmas last year..presents, food, travel?
What are your fixed costs?
What are the areas of discretionary spending that you can change?
How much do you save each month?
What is the largest cost item in your spend?
How many Don’t Know’s did you score? If it’s more than two take the time to Marie Kondo your financial management. I promise you it feels great when you’re done!
Let’s start with some basic principles
Elizabeth Warren (author of All Your Worth:The Ultimate Lifetime Money Plan) popularised the 50/20/30 principle. She suggested that income be divided 50% on needs, 30% on wants and 20% on savings. That means bills and essential payments are 50% of your income. They are the fixed costs. Streaming service fees, takeaway coffees, haircuts are part of the discretionary 30% and you aim to save 20%. It’s a good metric to keep in mind.
The fact is that we all arrive at retirement with very different levels of savings. Many self – funded retirees with healthy, diversified financial interests can ride market turbulences and still live well. At the other end of the continuum may women arrive at retirement age with a small superannuation fund if any and wholly or partly reliant on the government pension to fund their older age.
But there are many changes older people are making to manage a shortage of savings and a much longer life. Renting rather than home ownership is becoming a more attractive proposition for many people. Moving to a lower cost country such as Portugal, Malaysia, Indonesia, Puerto Rico, Slovenia and Spain is an option for some. The Granny flat attached to their son or daughters home is a common option too. Many older people also work now for as long as they are able in order to meet financial commitments. Others run small businesses or rent out properties on airbnb and similar.
Against this diverse backdrop how do we take stock of our household budget? There are many apps such as moneysmart.gov.au and www.thebalance.com I keep it really simple,,,some paper based and some spreadsheet. Now that I understand the basic profile of what I’m spending I can move all this financial tracking to my phone.
Set up a monthly financial tracking document. It has 2 sections Income and expenditure. I generally record anything over $30 in expenditure- all bills, clothes, petrol etc. For the last 3 months I’ve recorded EVERYTHING I spend because it all adds up and I wanted to see clear evidence of every cent spent. That includes credit card and cash and debit card expenses. It takes only seconds every couple of days but it provides a wealth of information
Using a spreadsheet or app write down all your fixed costs- the 50% mentioned above. I included house costs such as insurance & rates, medical insurance, energy costs, car related costs such as insurance, services and fuel.
In the 30% wants category I’ve included food because I have a lot of discretion in how much I buy and how much I spend on food. also, entertainment, clothes etc
The 20% saving category can be saving for big bills or holidays or a new pair of shoes!
The final document I use is a calendar of the key bills and when they need to be paid so I know my water bill is paid 3 times a year and the months it needs to be paid, the gas bill is monthly paid on 15th of every month etc. Now I know how much I need to put away to pay these major bills.
The whole process took me an afternoon and it gave me an understanding of where my money is going and how I can better organise to manage limited assets and income. What did I learn from this exercise….
That saving on a fixed income is hard! So I’ve set small goals to begin with.
Check your spending on road tolls! My twice weekly trips to Melbourne cost a lot in fuel and City Link fees. I’m more thoughtful about whether I need to go so frequently.
Check on those cups of coffee and the inevitable cake or lunch…… even $10 a day adds up to $300 a month or over $3000 a year!
Gym memberships…Hmmm…reassess this one!
It’s the little things…. “treats” such as facials, flowers, clothes I don’t need. so frequently. Save the money. Go for the BIG treats like a holiday or minibreak rather than lots of little ” treats”
Hair colour……. I just saved around around $1,000 a year on this one by going natural!
I was amazed at how little jobs around the house add up if you’re a single woman with no home maintenance skills! Solution- I’ll mow your lawn if you fix my leaking tap! It worked! Get creative… maybe it’s time to learn some basic home maintenance skills?
Many of you will be super efficient money managers and a good accountant is a must. If you have any useful tips or advice on what works for you please share them in the comments box below. We can all learn from each other.
Lockdowns, winter colds and rainy Sunday afternoons are great times to catch up on what’s showing on streaming services. For winter I’ve extended my subscriptions to Netflix, Stan, Binge and Apple+ TV which gives me a huge range of outstanding content. I tried Brit Box but saw nothing but oldie re-runs..most disappointing. Which services do you subscribe too? Which can you recommend? How much time do you spend on free-to-air TV? Has the pandemic extended your viewing into new streaming services? Let’s have a conversation about what’s good and what’s not… and how to stay cosy and entertained this winter……
So get comfy. Make up some treats and head to the sofa. Here’s what I recommend for rainy day viewing…….
Netflix
Halston
Surprisingly there hasn’t been much I’m excited about on Netflix now that my Outlander obsession has completely faded. I did watch Halston about the fashion designer’s bio. with a largely uncomfortable looking Ewan McGregor trying to pull off this role. It’s hit and miss. Worth looking at if you like fashion and its intrigue but not super exciting. He flounces and prances, acts moody and leads with his ego but it’s a hollow characterisation that lacks conviction.
Ewan McGregor plays Halston
Stan
Ok some brilliant programming here.
Younger
Do you feel like an easy romp in a world of young, attractive professionals living the good life in New York? Younger is funny, gentle, romantic and with no great human insights or meaningful deep dive into anything! The story revolves around a 40 year old woman who lies about her age to get a job in the world of publishing. It’s a story about her adjustment, her friends who are in their 20’s and the backdrop is New York city..with its bars, galleries. fashion and shots of Central Park. Relationships form and dissolve and the big question is…will Lisa end up with Charles, the owner of the publishing company or Jake, the younger tattoo artist. It’s in its 7th season and it’s simply fun!
Billions
Wall street excess meets Government regulation…… This is a great series that I became absolutely hooked!!. Damian Lewis plays Bobby Axelrod, the owner of Axe Capital who runs his business barely on the edge of the legality. He’s rich, obsessive and not a likeable man in many ways but he’s brilliant in this role. Paul Giamatti plays Chuck Rhoades the US Governor who is always trying to outsmart Axelrod and bring down him and his empire. The one question this series explores with great finesse is – How will Bobby Axelrod get out of this situation? Like any good hero he does always come through.. sometimes bruised and with losses but he’s smart and will play dirty if money is at stake. Outstanding acting, great storylines, complex characters, tension and intrigue and 1990’s corporate excess comes alive in the present. Series 7 shooting was halted due to Covid. Damian Lewis then lost his wife to cancer, the wonderful Helen McCrory…. so I’m unsure if there will be further episodes but I do hope so. It’s outstanding.
We Are Lady Parts
The adventures of a Muslim Punk girl band is the subject of this very funny, ridiculous comedy. I so want it to work. Some of the characters are fantastic but the story wanders a little and is too loose to make viewing completely satisfying. Take one conservative British Muslim girl, looking for a husband and more in love with Barry Manilow songs than her Punk sisterhood and follow the exploits and mayhem of this group, the dialogue is funny and clever but it needs better scripting to take it to the next level. It’s still worth a look.
Binge
Leaving some of the best until last……. Check out……
Mare of Easttown
Kate Winslet is outstanding as the small town detective trying to solve the murders of 3 young women in her close-knit community. Set in the mid west this crime drama is so well written on so many levels. There’s the small town element, family dynamics, divorce and parenting/ grandparenting and her own identity as a woman struggling in this close knit community. Winslet is outstanding.
Olive Kitteridge
Frances McDormand recently won an Oscar for the film Nomadland. In Olive Kitteridge she plays a crusty, suffer- no fools, life is a disappointment type older woman. It’s a great story and she brings a barely likeable presence to the role.
Frances McDormand
Allen Vs Farrow
This documentary explores the craziness of the Woody Allen/ Mia Farrow relationship, their tribe of adopted children and the legal case of child sex abuse bought against Allen. He later went on to marry one of Mia Farrow’s adopted children, Soon Yi Previn. While celebrity stouches and child abuse are not really my cup of tea this one is interesting because of the work of Ronan Farrow, the son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen. He is a journalist in NY and famously wrote investigative articles about the Harvey Weinstein sex abuse cases reported in the New Yorker. He’s very impressive and the story of his parents is bizarre and very sad.
Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist Ronan Farrow poses for a portrait in NPR’s Manhattan offices ahead of the release of his book ‘Catch and Kill,’ which details the lengths to which some wealthy abusers go to intimidate and silence their accusers. / A.J. Chavar for NPR
So that’s the round-up of programs that you may enjoy. Programming on streaming services has come a long way in a very short time and there are some excellent stories to explore attracting major talent. The pandemic has seen a surge in outstanding series and for a very small monthly investment you can make those rainy days and winter appear more cosy! Enjoy!
Wallpaper…. mention it to any younger person and they’ll talk about a background pattern for their iphone. But I’m talking about the stuff that comes in rolls for walls – hard copy! Often already glued, you cut it into required lengths, wet it or peel the backing, then haul it and you up a steep ladder trying not to create folds in the slippery sucker while slowly and carefully attaching it to the wall without creases or tears. Press repeat for the next length. Perhaps I’ve just answer my own question about why I rarely see wall paper used in Australia. We’re just happier hovering over paint charts and then slapping paint on walls with near abandon. Wallpapering is a skill but always being one for a challenge I’m exploring the world of wallpapers…..
When was the last time that you used wallpaper in your home? My answer is never. Paint has always been my friend…. straight out of the tin pre-mixed colour or when I was feeling really artsy…… French washed, milk washed, stencilled or a gravelly warm Tuscan effect. But this is about to change as I play with options for creating an interesting home out of an essentially a very boxy, featureless home..and anyway its fun!
Whenever I travel to the UK, France and Italy (sigh) I’m impressed by the way wallpaper is seen as an essential design element and used extensively. Not just in old homes and cottages but in city apartments and modern homes too. I think we’re missing an opportunity here.
A country floral design by Colefax and Fowler
Why can wallpaper be a useful design element?
1. To create interest and a strong focal point in a room
Wallpaper is a wonderful creative element to introduce texture, colour and tonal quality to a room. Wall ” paper” can also be textured fabric such as wool or velvet. It can be a laminate. We’ve come a long way from the 1950’s laminates with orange pineapples as a feature design! New laminates can be textured wood effects that can look quote stunning.
2. To cover a slightly imperfect wall… I did say slightly.. you need a good even surface to stick the paper too but minor plastering defects can be disguised.
3. To appear to change the dimensions of a room. Take a long room and create a feature wall at the far end using 3D wall paper like the one below and you’ll bring the wall in to create a square effect to the room.
4. Wallpaper can be used to tell a story about the room and create an integrating element in your home. Remember the home is essential a narrative..it tells a story of an architectural age, a way of life, what people value most and wallpaper can create stories or reflect the story of the home. If each room in the house has a different character it can end up being a hotch-potch of ideas rather than an easy flow of colour, form and integrated design.
A Chinoiserie panel adds a luxurious element to this period bathroom
Different Wallpaper Designs
Stories in Wallpaper: Murals
The Chinoiserie panel above of a tree and birds is a beautiful example of wall paper adding a luxury element to a room. Wallpaper can be expensive and if the design is busy it can create chaos to the mood of a room. Working with a single panel or a single image is a great way to develop a focus design element. The classic storytelling fabric and wall paper is Toile de Jouey. The French design that intricately portrays village life in rural France often on linen with line drawings in black or navy blue. Other wall papers can tell a simpler story like the one below but it still has a naive child-like artistic quality.
A story wallpaper bringing subtle colour and imagery to a room. Wallpaper by Schumacher
The Feature wall
This is a very busy but beautiful modernist design created by Arte company
The image above is a great example of a feature wall design that adds a 3D quality, texture and a wealth of colour coordinating options for a large room- from monochrome, a range of blues, burgundies through to purple. It’s simply stunning!
Textured wallpaper
The late designer, Stuart Rattle used a grey wool flannel fabric to line the walls of one of his interiors. It looked stunning. Linen is also often used. I remember being utterly intrigued as a child in an episode of Agatha Christie’s detective adventures where a series of house guests died after dining in a particular room. The canny detective found cyanide had been impregnated in the velvet textured wallpaper and fumes had been killing the unwitting guests as they ate! Ah ha! This gave me a suspicious regard for textured wallpaper but fiction can leave a lingering distortion! I think its safe!
Softly Whimsical
Whimsical, muted
Tile effect
The examples above demonstrate that wallpaper need not be bold and demanding- whimsy, soft colouring and subtle effects can also be achieved.
How much does wall paper cost?
In Australia Bunnings sell wallpaper! So anywhere from $25-50 on average a roll. But if you’re going down the wallpaper path you can spend up to $5,000 a roll if you want custom designed wall paper. The Brits do stunning wallpaper designs and I tend to favour the quality of brands such as Osborne and Little, Designers Guild, Nina Campbell and Colefax and Fowler. On average you’ll pay $140-200 a metre which sounds a lot but if you’re doing a panel it’s still cheaper than a good art work!
Applying Wallpaper
This is where I hand you over to Youtube videos or suggest you engage the services of a professional wallpaper hanger. You’re spending money on a design feature that needs precision, care and expertise in installation. Wrapping yourself in gluey wall paper may be great as fly paper to attract annoying insects but it’s not the best way forward to enhance your interior design! Have fun and explore!
Resources
www.homestolove.com.au
www.idealhome.co.uk
www.homebeautiful.com.au
Words by Nora Vitins
Images with thanks to the design studios mentioned.
The Bendigo Art Gallery has done it again…secured a major international exhibition that is simply brilliant….what pandemic!!??
This regional gallery in central Victoria demonstrates time and again its capacity to build relationships on the world stage…this time with the Victoria and Albert Museum in London, and navigate insurance, exhibition design and the numerous challenges in bringing a major international exhibition to a regional city when most of the world is in covid Lock- down.!! But here it is..until July 11th 2021 and I was lucky enough to book during the first week and avoid crowds with my 10am visit.
Immersion in creativity, nostalgia for 1960’s Britain and for the first time understanding the revolution Mary Quant created, are my take-aways from this exhibition.
Who is Mary Quant? Now in her 90’s Dame Barbara Mary Quant or Mrs Plunkett- Greene DBE is a fashion designer, born in Wales who went on to disrupt fashion as Britain knew it and became a global brand. As a teenager in the 1960’s in the UK the fashion scene only reached Nottinghamshire villages via magazines and the one pop music show that appeared on black and white TV on a Sunday evening. Mary Quant was a London phenomenon. Little did I know the impact she would make.
What I love about the exhibition was its organisation around key themes which answered the question…why was Mary Quant so revolutionary?
To understand her impact you need to be aware of what Britain was like before 1960. Britain in the late 1950’s was a pretty dour place and fashion belonged to the upper classes. Designers like Norman Hartnell and Hardy Amies designed for the queen and the wealthy. The young woman in her 20’s who worked in the stocking factory in Nottingham could never dream of a designer anything!!
Mary Quant is revolutionary because she wanted fashion to be accessible to everyone.
Alligator raincoats were priced for the High street market
Mary Quant was revolutionary because she was an innovative designer
Mary Quant introduced the mini skirt, used new materials like plastic in her design and created playful clothes that broke the staid matronly look of the old fashion houses. This was a look for young people…a generation growing up to change the world of 1960’s where London just happened to be swinging!!! Models danced on the catwalk instead of walking sedately with an aloof gaze. Music at fashion shows was loud and famous pop stars could be seen wearing Mary Quant clothes.
Blue mini party dressUse of new materials in fashion such as plastic was revolutionary in 1960’s
Mary Quant was Revolutionary because she understood Branding and became a global brand with a diversified offering
Mary Quant designs were soon found world wide. Her clothes was only one arm of the empire. She understood that the young woman earning a few pounds a week at the stocking factory wanted to own a Mary Quant design. So merchandising exploded. There were shoes, handbags, stockings and make-up. Now the factory workers might be able to own a Mary Quant lipstick. She even created a dress up doll collection so younger girls would be brand savvy at an older age.. This business model was absolutely disruptive to the fashion industry and the world of business way before we knew the term ” disruptor.”
Toys for young girls. Building brand recognition a generation at a time!The simple flower logo had wide recognition and Mary Quant merchandising made tights, makeup, shoes and bags available to a mass market
Mary Quant was revolutionary because she new the concept of celebrity pull even before there were words for it!
Model Patti Hansen wearing Mary Quant, with the Rolling Stones 1966
Celebrity created an image of a fun, out there, young and vibrant world that young kids wanted to be part of. History aligned ..music, women’s lib, drugs and the way of challenging the established order. She was in the right place at the right time but also she led the charge to change the world of young people in 1960’s and beyond.
There’s so much more but I really hope you find time to visit this exhibition at the gallery or through online resources. It’s one of the best!
I’m cooking up a storm in the kitchen since the arrival of my new stove with the big oven and 5 burners. It’s that time of the year when the salad spinner goes into hibernation and the heavy cast iron pots come out to play. I thought I’d share a few successes with you…..
Moroccan Stuffed Eggplant
This gluten free, vegan and delicious meal keeps in the freezer for a month and is great as a main or side dish. I made it as a main for a lazy autumn lunch with friends. This serves 4 people so I always make double quantities so I can freeze some for the busy days when I can’t be bothered to cook and my mind starts to wander the take-away food menus……
Pre- heat oven to 180 degrees
You’ll need
4 medium sized eggplants- halved with the centre scooped out, then fried on all sides in some olive oil in a fry pan..just a light fry. then arrange in a large casserole dish
For the filling and sauce
Fry together 3 cloves smashed garlic, 1 finely chopped onion and 1 finely chopped red or yellow capsicum- one large one is enough
When the base ingredients have combined well add a tin of canned lentils- about 400gm, a can of diced tomatoes- about 400gm, 1 tabspn tomato paste and 1 cup vegie stock
Then add fresh herbs- I use chopped mint, coriander and parsley to taste.
salt and pepper to taste
Cook this mixture for about 15 minutes until ingredients are well combined and these is still some liquid in the mix- add water if necessary.
Then fill each half of the egg plant and add any remaining mix to the dish so it doesn’t dry out.
Mix together 1 cup of breadcrumbs, (Panko is good) 1/2 cup of Parmesan cheese (may need to be vegan) and scatter over the eggplant. Top with pine nuts. Cover and bake for about 30 minutes until the eggplant are mushy and soft and have a brown crust. Delicious!
and for dessert served hot with cream …………….
Lemon and Rosemary Cake
Pre-heat oven to 160 degrees Grease and line a 26cm round pan
Place 250 gm salted butter, 150 ml runny honey and 150 gm brown sugar in a bowl and stir to combine
Add 3 eggs beaten, 2 teaspn vanilla essence and 125ml milk and stir to combine
Fold in 400gm SR flour & finely ground zest and juice of 2 lemons & a teaspn finely chopped rosemary
Spread another 150ml of runny honey over the base of the cake tin. Then layer 3 thinly sliced lemons and a sprinkle of rosemary leaves over the honey base. Then tip in the cake batter into the tin and bake for 1hr or until the skewer in the centre comes out clean. Invert onto a serving plate and serve with cream
If you’re a solo traveller in this world you probably know the scene. You’ve lived happily single for many years. Life is good. You have family, friends and you’ve created a life for yourself that is full of meaning and largely a very joyful existence. You’ve done it for years and it’s the world you know.
But then the wedding invitation arrives. A friend from way back is getting married. Or your daughter is getting married and your ex-wife has remarried, so there’ll be two ” dad-types” at the event…you and the step – dad. And that’s when the fun starts!
What to do with the “spare-rib” single, older person who has really messed up the seating arrangement neatness of pairs! What if they are great people but appear to others to be a little eccentric? Oh the dilemma of the spare-rib!
I remember going to the wedding of an old friend who married later in life. It was a fine affair in a beautiful location but as wedding planning began in earnest there was the slightly uncomfortable conversation about where to put me! There was very kind but extreme sensitivity about making sure that I was comfortable as a single in a coupled world. I had no such anxieties.
When the day arrived I saw the dilemma had been ” solved.” I was seated next to a comedian who had been hired to entertain the troops! Clearly, he was very anxious about this gig and spent time rehearsing his act by mumbling incessantly into his serviette and avoiding any eye contact with me or fellow guests. He was in his own private bubble and I’m sure would have welcomed a glass of wine or two in a storeroom where he could openly practice his lines! Intermittently, he would ask..Where do you live? What do you do? but after a while I reassured him he was released of any responsibility for my happiness and could just do his work. He looked relieved! The intentions of the hosts were absolutely kind but I felt I should wear a t- shirt saying..” No help required..happy Solo!”
This dilemma can be found on the big screen in many forms. I recently watched Last Chance Harvey with Emma Thompson and the wonderful Dustin Hoffman. Hoffman is the spare-rib father who flies from California to a society wedding of his daughter in London. It’s awkward. He’s a bit eccentric. Where to put him? He is consigned to a hotel while the rest of the family stay at the step-father and mother’s house. What’s his role at the wedding? He manages to scramble a role for himself at the pre-wedding dinner and says a few slightly embarrassing words. In between events he loses his job as a jingle writer but bumps into Emma Thompson’s character- a single woman caring for her elderly mother while working at the airport and dreaming of being a writer. Somehow these slightly socially awkward misfits form a friendship. Harvey has someone to take to his daughter’s wedding. Phew! Problem solved…even though they are seated at the children’s table! It’s a sweet film.
Meryl Streep
Streep as Rikki
Rikki and the Flash is one of my favourite Meryl Streep movies. She plays a small town rocker who plays in a country bar with her little band and works in a supermarket by day- think a flaky Suzi Quatro! She looks rock star and is reunited with her family, dad has remarried and they live an opulent existence. Rikki has been out of her 3 kids lives as step-mother is a more acceptable role model and makes great pancakes! the short cut is that eventually Rikki is invited to her son’s wedding. She buys an op-shop dress and takes her band member boyfriend along for support. It’s a slushy mushy Friday night type movie about a black sheep who is reunited into the fold on her terms….as a musician! BUT… and here’s the rub…she still has her boyfriend along at the wedding.
It seems Hollywood cannot make the jump to – a solo, older person is not a Spare-Rib either!!
Two threads weave together. The first thread was from two conversations I had this week. One was a pricing conversation with a carpenter. The other conversation was with a friend about her concerns about parenting and grandparenting in 2021.
The second thread was coming across a book about the art of conversation on my bookshelf by Douglas Stone called Difficult Conversations: How to discuss what matters most.
In it he says………….The single most important thing you can do is shift your internal stance from I understand to Help me understand…everything else follows from that. Often we go through an entire conversation- or indeed an entire relationship- without realizing that each of us is paying attention to different things, that our views are based on different information.
A collaborative We‘re in this together. A genuine I seek to understand not judge. A sharing of facts and information These form the foundation of having good conversations about difficult topics…potential quicksand!
Conversation 1
An acquaintance, Mark is setting up a carpentry business in country Victoria working in Melbourne. He’s making the tree change. We discussed him doing some work at my house and he went away to work out a quote. The quote came back with a daily rate far in excess of what I had been paying locally. I checked in with another Carpentry company to confirm that my much lower pricing expectations were standard for this area and type of work. I gave Mark the feedback.. “Let’s talk. This is the local price structure.”
Mark came over that day, slightly nervous and apologetic. We had a lovely conversation and I could tell him about how things work in the country – the network effect, absentee homeowners, airbnb owners, the “locals” etc. He was clearly still feeling uncomfortable and I found myself saying…..
” Mark this is just a money conversation. It’s about numbers, facts and solving a problem together. It has nothing to do with friendship, emotions, judgement. I’m not upset at all. It’s just a meeting point that makes sense for both of us.”
This was the switching point in the conversation. He relaxed. We worked through the numbers and reached an agreement we both felt comfortable with. The work starts next week.
Conversation 2
I was talking with a friend, Karen about differences in parenting techniques since the 1980’s when we bought up our kids. She was questioning why, when her grandson has a tantrum or is naughty he’s not sent to the naughty corner for time out. We both reminisced about the “good old days” when kids ate their broccoli and sat at a table for meals and were told not to interrupt when the adults were speaking! We laughed but also there was a tinge of serious confusion about this new world of parenting.
“If its important you need to say something” I suggested to Karen
” No way..it’s quicksand to criticise my daughter’s parenting skills. She just blows up and we both get angry and the talking ends there.”
I remembered the book I used to use in preparing for mediations in my work as a change consultant. I dug out the Douglas Stone book (Difficult Conversations: How to talk about what matters most) and Karen walked away with some reading to do. She was on a mission. Conversations about parenting had to be easier than this!
A week later we caught up for a coffee again. ” How did it go?”
” Great book” she said. ” I love what he says about ” our views are based on different information.” ” I realised that it was time tolearn parenting 2021 and let go of some of my old ideas. You know these kids really do their homework! There are so many podcasts, books and online support for parents now. I’m listening to a podcast by Janet Lansbury on Respectful parenting. It’s great. It talks about parents understanding their power and leadership and using it respectfully with their kids. It’s a really different take on how to parent but it makes sense.”
So there were no explosions this time? I said
” No it was great. I mean I’ll still do some of the things I think are really important as a granny. But my daughter and I agreed on a list of consistent things we would do with the kids like sitting down at a table to eat, no dummies during the day and no more than an hour of screen time a day. you should have a listen to the podcast. It’s great”
We all engage in potentially volatile conversations. The Quicksand of life. These conversations can be particularly difficult when there is a close emotional relationship and vulnerabilities. So how do we navigate such territory?
Check in with your emotions
If you’re angry, grumpy or feeling vulnerable take time out before having a quicksand conversation. If you start a conversation and its spiralling into quicksand territory bale out by agreement. Say things like ” It matters to me that we can work together on this but I feel we should put it aside for now. It’s difficult stuff and we need to be in a really good space to talk about it. Can we come back to this one together at another time? “
Talking from my ego/ fears/ anxiety often lands me in trouble. I need to manage these emotions myself before I can enter an arena of potentially difficult conversations.
Seek to Understand
It’s a problem/idea explored not a judgement about the other person.
At all times choose words carefully. Respect different perspectives. SEEK TO UNDERSTAND is the most useful and sometimes hardest tool you have. Listen deeply, trust motives, expect respect, give respect. Try to deeply understand what the other person is telling you. And the hardest part of seeking to understand is listening for what is NOT being said. what’s happening for this person at this time? What shape are they in? Is this the time to raise potentially difficult conversations?
What do they need?
facts and information?
validation?
learning/ coaching?
practical help?
nothing at this time?
Chunking Correctly
That’s right. Timing is everything! If there’s a lot to talk about or things have built up over time and you need to have what I call a “Clearing House conversation,” don’t try to talk through too much at once. Break up the conversation into 15-30 minute bites. then come back to it at another time.
Create Common Ground
Even in the most difficult conversations there is always common ground. Find it and agree it and this becomes a solid foundation for the conversation.
In the case with Mark in the first conversation, the common ground is – he wants the work, I want him to work at my house and we just need to find the price-point that we can both be comfortable with.
In the grandparenting conversation we all want what’s best for the grandchildren and can we agree the things where we will all be consistent and on the same page and the areas where it doesn’t matter if we behave differently with the children.
We never stop learning. Mastery of our people skills is an art form.
Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.
Words by Nora Vitins. Feature image with thanks Andrea Piacquadio
